concerning how to read a book without words

there's something you don't know about me

it's...complicated

sometimes i think you know

sometimes i think you don't

there's something else you don't know about me

it's...confusing

sometimes i almost tell you

sometime i think you'd care



what else don't you know about me?



i'm an open book

with a thousand empty pages



do you have the perseverance

to flip page



after page





after page











after page























until you find the words

i'm too afraid to speak







?

I'M PROMOTING!!!!

i'm promoting this blog.

http://remarkablyobese.blogspot.com/

check it out or i will hunt you down and MAKE you. make you check it out, that is.

taint

i've suppressed my emotions for so long
i've forgotten what it's like to feel
if i can't be hurt, it can't be wrong
all my affections to repeal
and if perchance the mood is right
and little deeper i shall dig
till from the nothing, in plain sight
what had been tiny seems repulsively big
so i quickly try to bury my hole
and the imperfections hidden therein
for in that grave, my immortal soul
again is tainted with what might have been

care too much

it only hurts when you care too much
but it's so hard to learn not to trust
so you bend till you break
and you cry till you shake
and you lean on your feelings like a weak,
wooden crutch

so simple, so easy to put your heart out
to let it go frolicking, traipsing about
like a magnet, it's drawn
but too often it's wrong
and the case it gets wrapped in is mistrust
and doubt

you're only hit when you drop your shield
though it sometimes seems so hard to wield
if it falls, you will too
when what's false becomes true
and the wound you sustained shows it never
has healed

it's like i'm chasing a freight train and i'm running in slow motion

EMOTION

that feeling
that feeling that you feel
or felt
or almost felt
or wish you felt
that thought
that thought that you think
or thought
or almost thought
or wish you thought
that wish
that wish that you wish
or wished
or almost wished
or wish you wished


why is it so hard?


that love
that love that you love
or loved
or almost loved
or wish you loved



or wish you didn't.

stop

sometimes o' nights

ahhhhhh 12 o'clock. my old friend. i've missed you. it seems so long since we've spent this much time together. i remember all the great times we had last year. the times with the chemistry and the biology. the times with the math and the times with the papers. the times with the studying and the times with the cramming. all good times. all great times. and words can't express how happy i am that those times are gone. now it's just the times with the facebook, and the times with the hulu, and the times with the blog. times like this. good times. great times. times that could be spend so much more profitably.




wait. why am i not in bed?

moment

there are very few things that can capture a moment
words can't. words take too long to capture a moment
movies can't. movies are too complex to capture a moment
music can't. music's moments are gone as soon as they come

but photography. photography can.
with the snap of the shutter, a look, a breath, a moment can be captured and preserved forever. it can be relived again and again. it can perfectly retain a memory when all other forms fail to. it is more precise than a mental image, more transparent than a film, more straight forward than a sentence, and more lucid than a score. it speaks volumes without saying anything at all.
it's the perfect memory.

a list of jobs i would someday like to hold

-lifeguard
-mechanic
-trucker
-barista
-nanny
-author
-farmer
-landscaper
-camp counselor

turieb

it's half past 1
i saw the sun
till there was none
there was none
and in my brain
a noisy pain
like i was sane
but quite insane
and then i watched
the bubbles froth
and race moths
they raced like moths
the level's down
it hits the ground
and goes around
without a sound
till half past 2
when i see you
and then i knew
and now i'm new

hands

some people use hands to hold
some people use hands to hit
some people use hands to write
i use my hands to remember things
some people use hands to carve
some people use hands to cook
some people use hands to create
i use my hands to remember things
some people use hands to caress
some people use hands to explain
some people use hands to wipe
i use my hands to remember things

iJump (off cliffs)

look around and see familiar faces
no eye contact, don't interact
they look down and count their measured paces
they ignore me, invisibility
stay wrapped up in their own private lifestyle
don't ask questions, don't seek answers
tell themselves they're going to run this mile
they can do it, they'll get through it

they don't seem to understand
that sometimes things go hand in hand
what's the point in climbing high
cuz you'll never reach the sky
don't tell people you need help
never tell them you need help

sit in a hallway full of silent pictures
give me glances, no second chances
the space between is filled with haughty bickers
soundless fighting, callous biting
denial in the form of pure ignorance
is it bliss, is it worth this
too proud to frown and too hard wince
feelings buried, worries buried

clap your hands

there's a clamour in your whispering.

office hours with molly

t o d a y

today
i wrote a taylor swift song.

it's

it's the difference between an acquaintance and friend
it's the change in the path with it rounds a small bend
it's the feeling you get when a small baby cries
it's the lump in your throat when your household pet dies
it's the doing of something you'll never regret
it's the promise to someone you'll never forget
it's the hug that you give to someone you don't know
as they cling to you tight, like they'll never let go
it's that tear in your eye when there's nothing to say
it's the light in their smile when you point them the way
it's the service you render, with naught in return
it's the gift that you're given you never could earn
it's all that and so much more

wishes

i wish you were sitting next to me right now
i'd put my head on your shoulder
and give a shuddering little sigh
the kind that people always give when they're trying not to cry
and then you'd put your head on mine
and we'd sit there for a while
listening to music
just enjoying each other's presence
and we'd talk
about things
and life
and music
you'd show me bands
i'd show you bands
we'd share jokes
we'd laugh
we'd tell stories
we'd play guitar
we'd talk with God
but mostly
we'd just be
together
we'd be
doesn't that sound good?

mistland

the real people had always confused me, puzzled me. they lived in my world of mist, but they didn't belong. mistpeople, like me, had never made me nervous. i felt things around them, but the first time i saw a real person, i was down right terrified. he looked just like the mistpeople did, but instead of the shriveled, limp heart that everyone i knew had, this mistman's heart was vibrantly beating. not only did he have a living heart, everything about him seemed real. his laugh was genuine, his presence was understanding, his countenance was sincere. yet, something about him repelled me. when i saw his heart, living and beating, i knew i wanted my heart to live too. but the very reality of this man frightened me. he was so different from everyone around him. his body was still mist, as everyone in this world is, but the most important part of him was whole; his heart. every mistperson treasures and protects their heart, whether they realize it or not. you can tell when someone has made their heart vulnerable: the heart will shake when something is happening to it. the heart only shakes when it is being hurt or being loved. if it is hurting, it will get a deep gash that doesn't bleed but leaves an ugly scar when it tries to heal itself. every heart, except the hearts of the very very young have scars. however if a heart is being loved, it slowly becomes more and more red, growing closer to the colour of a living heart, but never actually reaching that colour. the closest i'd ever seen a heart get to beating was the heart of the bride and groom at weddings. even then, the heart wasn't real. i'd lived my whole life thinking that hearts did not beat. i only caught a glimpse of the mistman's beating heart as he strode by me on the street one day, but it drove me nearly wild curiosity and confusion. my life was changed from that moment.

pretend

let's pretend
i'm that little girl
you're that little boy
we're best friends
just like it used to be

clothed in rainbows

you know those southwest "wanna get away?" commercials? well lately, i've been feeling a lot like that. something (or things. like, lots of them) goes wrong, and suddenly i'm thinking to myself, hey! what a great time to visit virginia and not come back to massachusetts! ever!!
which is just stupid. because i love my people up here. but sometimes things get so over complicated and situations get to uncomfortably tense and one person says one thing that makes me look at them in an entirely different light. something happens that i didn't want to. something that i wanted to happen doesn't. people disappoint. people fail. people are.......people. and for some reason, this still surprises me after 20 years. people aren't perfect? what? well, i knew most people weren't, but i thought for sure this one person.........
it's a vicious cycle. you put your hope in someone and they will disappoint you. every time. messing up means being human. but it still comes as a shock when MY people mess up. they're my people! they don't mess up! because then i'm affected! and i don't like being affected!
this is true. i've been failed by every person i know in some way or another. for some people, i've been failed in a big way. for others, not as much. but everyone i know has failed me before. and i've failed everyone *i* know. in some way or another.

lesson learned? God is the only thing in this world that makes sense.

what?

hope
trust
love
faith

what do you do
when the one person you
thought would never let you down
does

what do you think
as you stand on the brink
of an irreversible mistake waiting to be
made

what do you say
as they start to slip away
and nothing you can do will make it
stop

what do you feel
when the cool, even keel
of a perfectly composed relationship
erupts

hurt
why
nothing
broken



this too shall pass
this too shall pass
this too shall pass

trains - a drabble of 200 words

it wasn't the first time i'd rode the train, but it was one of the most memorable. my favourite thing about train rides is the people. you get to observe them, talk to them, sometimes make friends with them. it was on one such train ride that i met miya. we instantly clicked and i greatly enjoyed the time i spent with her. when we got to the station, i found out that we were both transferring to the same train. as miya and i got off to switch, she suddenly began giving me her luggage, saying "here. my arms are tired and i can't carry this anymore". at first, i was resentful. just because we had hit it off didn't mean she had the right to dump her baggage on me and expect me to take care of it. but as i watched her walk unhindered across the platform, smiling and beckoning to me, i thought to myself, if my arms ever got tired, it would be nice to have someone carry my luggage for me. so i carried it. because i knew next time my own got too heavy, i'd have someone to lend me a hand.

my mind get's poetical at 4 am

it's chilly out this morning. just cool enough to send the occasional shiver down your spine. the deck is wet from last night's drizzle, making my feet tingle. there's a faint breeze. birds are singing. it started a few minutes ago, with one. just one. now there's a symphony all around me. but it's not just the larks. the breeze, the stream, the very stars are singing. it's almost dark, but for an ever so slight glimmer of light in the east. it'll be dawn soon. there's a plane crossing the sky, and a siren in the distance. civilization is starting to wake up, interrupting the perfect harmony of nature. another day is beginning. but maybe, just maybe, tomorrow's 4 am will be as beautiful as this one.

oh yes i did

http://www.formspring.me/magichead

ashamed? heck no!!

well.

ok.

yes.
i am.

children...

I'M DONE WITH MY FRESHMAN YEAR OF COLLEGE!!!! BOOYEAH!!!!!!

can i be frank?

next time someone asks me that, i'm going to say no.

today marks the beginning of finals week.

what am i doing?!? i don't have time to blog!!!

bedtime!!!

...........or not.

just blogging because i'm too tired to go to bed. random factoids anyone?

batman 3 is coming out in summer of 2012. what.
i can't wait for summer 2010.
i went hiking today.
i had sugar free chocolate today.
i watched psych today. heh.
i realized today one of my best friends is having a birthday soon and i have no idea what to get her. *freak out*
avatar is not that good. (but psych is)
singing is my life. along with Jesus. and cheese. and many other things
i had an amazing day yesterday. one of the few schooldays this semester that i genuinely had fun
i need a photoshoot.
i need to write a script
today was my mom's birthday
don't be this crevice in my arm.
i work at panera. be jealous
2 words: the. killers.
i'm almost done with my freshman year of college. whoa
i'm totally obsessed with maggie lawson. it's kind of hilarious
i'm hearing passion pit EVERYWHERE
my brother taught me the jerk today. i'm now a pro. (no. wrong. false)
shawn spencer is ben shorey. really. i'm convinced they're the same person. absolutely convinced. at night, ben puts on a fake nose and sneaks away to film it. i'm positive.
my math final is going to be the death of me
i'm learning spanish over the summer
it's time for bed now. cheerio!

in which i deliberately put off chem homework

3 days. that's all i have left.
3 days. and then i'm done with classes. done with chemistry, done with bio, done with MATH!!!

in some ways, this scares me. it feels like only last week i was skipping into fsc, ready for adventure, ready to take on the world, ready to see how this college thing would turn out. and yet, here i am, almost done with my freshman year. how can i feel like such a newb and such a pro at the same time? i suppose it's sophomore complex. you've heard of senioritis, now i give you sophomore complex. as defined by the national dictionary of siobhan, the sophomore complex is "the stage at which a student thinks they have a firm grasp on this school gig, but really have a very long way to go". this is what i feel like. i've been through finals before, i've dealt with registering, i've figured out how to study (but have yet to put my plan into practice), and *BONUS* i've made a few friends. as the new englanders say "i'm all set".

but am i? who knows how and if i'll be able to cope in upcoming years? who knows what strange and life changing events may occur during the time i plan on finishing college? who knows the course i'll be taking after this year?

i sure don't. good thing God does. otherwise i'd be freaking out. and i feel like i'm seeing this everywhere i look. some girls i know at school have completely screwed up their college careers and maybe their lives by not taking this time seriously. they've realized that there comes a point when you have to face your circumstances and take responsibility for your actions. but unfortunately, this generation doesn't understand responsibility. we drink ourselves into oblivion, we celebrate 4/20 like there's no tomorrow, we throw our virginity out the window without a backward glance. live for the moment, right? then suddenly, the moment's over. and then we crave more. we crave until it consumes us. it's not until reality comes and smashes us in the face that we realize there are consequences for our actions. then we have to deal with them. do we face them? do we run? do we give up?

i've been tempted to give up so often this semester. it literally has been a nightmare. 3 extremely hard classes, 2 labs, and seemingly endless tests, quizzes, and homework assignments. finals week is just the icing on the cake. 4 finals (all cumulative, no take-homes) and a lab practical. i can't tell you how many times over the past few months i've thought to myself, 'we're all gunna die anyways so what's the point?' and i can honestly say that nothing would make me happier than to be taken home this very instant. but God has other plans. plans for my future, plans to prosper me, and most important, plans to glorify Him. so as much as going to heaven right now would be GREAT, i have unfinished business down here. God started a good work in me, and He's going to see it to completion, sophomore complex and all.


ps i finished all four seasons of psych. obsessed? just a little.
oh, and word to the wise, don't get into a tv show that has multiple seasons that you MUST see with only a few weeks of school left. i learned the hard way.
but it was so worth it.

i'm sensing a new playlist in the making

why hello folks!!

ya know those songs that were so popular back in the day? like, early 2000's? remember those? well, i recently heard one of those songs, and it sparked a revolution in my brain. and now i must list them.

BLUE (da ba dee) - Eiffel 65: this has literally been one of my favourite songs since i heard it almost 8 years ago. it makes me think of fun, carefree times. just hearing the chorus makes me smile. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68ugkg9RePc)

WALKING ON SUNSHINE - Aly & A.J.: one of those disney channel hits that you never quite get over. this song always makes me think of summer, friends, laughter, and good times. i want to jump up and down like a little kid when i hear this one. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gC8wZqnmdo)

A THOUSAND MILES - Vanessa Carlton: hearing that piano intro transports me to the spring and summer of 2002. long car rides with the windows down, hand riding on the air rushing by my face. listening to this song has always made me think of bright colours. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cwkej79U3ek)

HEY JULIET - LMNT: i don't know what it is about this song, but despite the terrible cheesiness of it, it's embedded in my brain as one of the ground breaking song of my childhood. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVzXe6kr9rA)

ABSOLUTELY (Story of a Girl) - Nine Days: this is one of those song that i'll never forget. i would sing the chorus over and over again till my whole family hated me. classic. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3jx9Wl04sw)

COMPLICATED - Avril Lavigne: everyone's favourite skater girl. such a classic. i never could sing the chorus of this song though. i got fall, crawl, get, what? mixed up EVERY time i tried to sing it. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGXYAJoDWCk)

UNWELL - Matchbox 20: the almost haunting quality of this song has always intrigued me, even when i didn't understand what it meant. when i did realize what it was talking about, i fell in love all over again. this song is a piece of art that few have surpassed. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_TL9YFemic)

THE HAMSTER DANCE - Hampton the Hamster: you knew THIS one was gunna be on the list. so many impromptu dance parties by myself in my room when it came on the radio. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3G5IXn0K7A)

ISLAND IN THE SUN - Weezer: one of the best summertime songs out there. reminds me of running around with friends on an summer evening (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0C3zgYW_FAM)

HANGING BY A MOMENT - Lifehouse: this song has been one of my favourites for a long, long time. the message, the tune, everything about this song makes me happy. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-SVDQ6A-Ps&feature=related)

HEY YA - OutKast: there are no words for this song. it's just so good. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWgvGjAhvIw)

WITH YOU - Jessica Simpson: hate on me if you want. i love this song. it makes me think happy thoughts (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VWl7WjAtBME)

GET THE PARTY STARTED - P!nk: this song has such an infectious beat. and she talks about her mercedes. this one was also featured at my first paw sox game, ergo good memories. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKUs6UoKspA&feature=related)

CHA CHA SLIDE - MC Lyte: i've danced to this song tons of times and it's still as great as it always was. memories associated = block parties. every year we wrapped it up with this song. so awesome http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSnvf7a8YMI

SOAK UP THE SUN - Sheryl Crow: definitely one of the best songs of this era. this is a timeless classic. which expired years ago. but i'll still love it. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIYiGA_rIls)


there's definitely a song i can't remember the name of, but rest assured, "i'll think of it"

this has been a pleasant trip down memory lane. what did i leave out? (for the record, pop has gone nowhere but down)


in other news, i'm completely obsessed with psych. it's kind of an issue.

falling

coming
it's coming
i can see it
so fast
like a blur
why?
why here?
why now?
everything was working out
perfectly
did this have to be?
it mattered
for the first time
it never had before
it seemed so real
it wasn't
it was a dream
this is reality
coming
reality is coming
in the form of a plane
speeding for me
speeding at me
to take me away
to steal life from me
when it was finally working
i guess the fates knew
i wasn't needed anymore
i did my job
my turn was done
but i would have liked to see
the results
the love
the family
now it's just her
i'm gone
he's gone
she's all that's left
for them
will they love her?
will they take care of her?
it's his job now
i can't
i'm gone
the plane took me
and now
now


now
it's over

for me

now
it's starting

for him

he has her
she is his now
i wanted this
and now i'm gone
because i wanted this


now
he cares

he likes her
he always loved her
but now he likes her
now he's ready
now he can care for her
she's in good hands
i leave her in good hands
but now i go
the plane is taking me
it's falling
falling
falling into



me

An urgent matter of great importance which must be discussed. now.

The human race has a special ability that is shared by no other species on earth. in fact, no other animal has even come close to achieving the heightened mental awareness that is needed to utilize this unique ability, yet mankind throws it around effortlessly. ladies and gentlemen, i am talking about talking. talking, speech, communication with words. as easy as it seems to us, this trait is limited to homosapiens alone, out of the millions of other species that occupy this planet. this truly is a gift.

within this ability, this gift, there are other gifts. the gift of gab, the gift of easily speaking in public, the gift of always knowing the right thing to say. however, there is one gift that stands out above all others; the gift of quotation.

often also referred to as a superpower, (citation needed) quoting is, according to merriam-webster's dictionary, "to speak or write (a passage) from another usually with credit acknowledgment or to repeat a passage from especially in substantiation or illustration". (merriam-webster.com) the next definition down says, "a gift, or superpower, possessed only by the most evolved, trained, brilliant, successful, and attractive of the human race". (citation needed) i use these definitions to give you a small background on the art that is quoting.

in my lifetime, i have been blessed to know many who had this ability. for instance, my entire immediate family has this gift. obviously, it differs from person to person, and some are more gifted than others, but the fact remains. i am blessed enough to be profoundly gifted in this arena and have the pleasure of knowing several others who share my rare ability. i have seen people take quotations from out of the blue that directly relate to the topic at hand. i have seen people who's talent is so intense, when they hear a quote from something that they're only heard or read once, they are able to repeat it back perfectly. word for word. it is remarkable my friends, truly remarkable.

as fascinating and powerful as this gift (translated in some languages as "superpower") is, it is also often time a burden. the most most "skillful-in-quotation" (McLernon, " 'I'll be back': the Gift of Quotation" 112) minds will sometimes labour for hours to perfectly recreate and repeat a quote. in doing so, these heroes of the field are making the world safer, funnier, and more accurate. now sit back, relax, and let your mind be free as you follow this link to famous quotes with i was too lazy to write out myself.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120917/quotes



"Quoting" http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/quoting 2010. Web. accessed April 8, 2010

McLernon, Siobhan G. 'I'll be back': the Gift of Quotation. Attleboro: Efeetastic and Poacherific Publishers, 2011

my Jesus is the king of kings, the lords of lords.
my Jesus is a humble servant, a willing slave
my Jesus has power unimaginable and unmatchable
my Jesus is a lowly craftsman in a poor town
my Jesus created the world and everything in it
my Jesus never left his home country
my Jesus calmed a stormy, raging sea
my Jesus was weary at day's end
my Jesus lives where streets are gold
my Jesus has no possessions to his name
my Jesus is infinite, he has no end
my Jesus died when he was 33
my Jesus made the majestic heavens
my Jesus subdued and conquered hell
my Jesus is God
my Jesus is man
my Jesus is real

soon it's gunna rain

i love rain. i love to watch it. i love the sound it makes as it fall gently against the ground. i love the random pattern of dots it puts on my jeans as i walk through it. i love how it exhilarates me when drops of water fall on my face and hair. i love how people look when they come out of the rain. i love that it's unconfined and wild. i love that it has no restrictions and falls the way it likes. i love the feeling it gives me. i love that it's vital for life.

<^> --(@

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.

procrastination schmocrastination

wow, that doesn't really work with big words.

well children, it's that time again. that time when it suddenly hits you that your vacation is over and if you don't start studying for that test on thursday you'll be eated by a hobgoblin or worse. but to that i say "ha! come ye hobgoblin, and try to devour THIS noble soul! do your worst, for i fear thee not!" and i don't.
however, i do fear seeing a big letter "F" on a test/quiz/paper/whathaveyou. this is why i must study. the thing is, i hate studying. i hate anything that takes away from my enjoyment of life, and i try my hardest to avoid them. studying is one, hence my distaste. college is supposed to be fun, gosh darn it! i'm paying thousands of dollars a year for this, so i require enjoyment! please world, feed my short attention span, my hatred of inactivity, my dependence on technology, my lack of work ethic. after all, the rest of my generation has low standards, why should i be any different?

i got rid of my facebook today. one of my friends created a new password, and i shan't be able to access it until the school year is over. it kind of REALLY bothered me that this evening when i found myself with oodles of studying and homework to do, i missed the comforting distraction of looking at people's updates about this, that, and the other thing, most of which i didn't care about. why do i miss it? why do i miss the burden of knowing what 680 people are doing with their lives? why do i have this constant need to be fed useless information? why do i feel that with the severing of my relationship with facebook, i've been cut off from the human race? why am i looking to spend the time i wasted on facebook with other pointless distractions, like this blog post?

good question[s]. i don't know.

i was tired. so i wrote poetry.

i feel this pressure in my head
Hypothetical
like stress emitting in small waves
Metaphorical
some person screaming in my brain
Theoretical
falling
dropping
sinking
slowly
into oblivion


why? because
does anyone know?
yes & no
a few maybes
some live
some cope
some suffer
all die
why?
it happens
what did you do today?

i recently found this in my archives and thought i should take this opportunity to enlighten those who would doubt the awesomeness of flythings

me --
you've never heard of faive halfes?
i'll tell ye
there i was
mindin me own business
and outta nowhere
BANG!!!
i'm down
unconscious
thought i was dead
till i woke up in a white padded room
no furniture
only a soup bowl
with half of a plastic spoon
so seein as i had nothing else to do
i picked up the soup bowl, put in on my head and started doing the obvious thing
so i danced the polka for about 4 hours
and three minutes and fourteen seconds
so
on the fifteenth second
i heared a voice
coming from below me
"what the divil d'ye think you're doin?
doog dog! you must be bloody off your crokker!"
i had lost it
or so i thought
i looked down
and the half spoon had turned into a tiny, stark white, person
like dough boy, only not fat
and smaller
and a cool accent
so i did the only natural thing
challenged him to a ninja duel
and he accepted
but i thought!
atch!
i must know his ninja name before we duel!!
"i say good sir
have you a ninja name?"
"the divil i do!"
(cuz that's how ninjas talk at ninja duels)
"and pray, what might that be?"
"tis faive halfes"
good lord
thought i
"i
...see?"
"you do not, ye young, pathetic, knownothing!"
"I say-"
"SHUT YER GALL DERN TRAP!!"
never have i been so intimidated by a broken half of a spoon
"yessir"
"NOW DUEL ME, YE UNGRATEFUL, FLEABITTEN, RASCAL!!"
so it began
it was a long, hard duel
it lasted thirteen point one seven seconds
and i had to lift four whole fingers
but in the end
he prevailed
he jumped on my nose
and started to touch my eyebrow
and i lost it
fell flat on my face and begged for mercy
suddenly
faive and the white padded room were gone
and here i am
chatting with you

Molly --
now
if it were a whole spoon
or
heaven forbid
a spork
that would be perfectly understandable
sporks
they are frightening foes indeed
i faced one once
had to resort to evading tactics
there was no other option
it was that
or be subjected to its spines and
oh i shudder to remember
the rounded side
such a frightening thing
i could not even get to the point of raising any fingers
suffice it to say
i was exceedingly lucky
that the waterbottle of flying sparkle was there
sporks hate those things
no
flything
flything is far more accurate
yes
it is a thing
that flies
so therefore
flything
it is the flything
of sparkle
it was my only hope
i raced for it
at fastest of ninja speeds
it was
incredible
blinding to ordinary humans
we only manage to see because of our wind-blocking eyelashes
i was sure the end had come
my last ninja star had been bent by the curved side of the spork
and my katana was stuck between its tines
bent
it made me ache inside to see it
but what could i do?
i had one last jutsu to try
but to do it
i had to have a flything of sparkle
who knew the only flything of sparkle that would fall into my path would be a waterbottle?
there was nothing for it
i dodged behind the bottle
it was larger than me
and the spork came flying at me
with my katana still clenched tightly between its tines
i almost cried to see it
and the spork
didn't realize this water bottle
was a flything of sparkle
so i waited until the last moment
and punched one side of it
it twisted
throwing reflected light into the spork
i shouted many secret ninja words
peformed my hand signs
and turned the lights into shards of glass!
and the spork collapsed
and released my katana
i grabbed it and ran
(flything, flything, save us now
from the evil that surrounds)
the spork was stunned
and i was able to escape
but the spork is still out there
gathering his power
we might encounter him in the near future

pardon my nostalgia

i'd forgotten how much i love ncfca. the sense of nervousness you feel when you stand up in front of the judges. the relief when you finish a speech and do well. the exhilaration you get when you hear your name followed by the forensics clap. the excitement that hits you when you make it to the final round.

the incredibly unique bonds you create with your fellow speechers.

there's something about getting up and doing something that most americans fear even more than death and doing it well. the work is hard and tiring. the memorizing is torturous. the blocking is a pain. the speeches, more often than not, are emotionally and physically draining. but there's nothing quite like the breathless waiting right before the announcer calls out the breaks. there's something special about walking up on stage and receiving a reward for your hard work. there's an incredible sense of loyalty as you shout and clap for a friend winning a well deserved first place.

when you're in ncfca, you're with family.

i miss it.

ugh, college

today i started reviewing for my chemistry test on thursday. it would be accurate to say that i am absolutely terrified.

today was normal

nevertheless, there were highlights. and these highlights stand out above the rest. they shine the brightest in this dark, cold, economically unstable world.
1. i slept till 10:20. yes.
2. i got to throw a frisbee for over an hour. apparently i lost all my skills over the winter, but that's ok.
3. i relaxed.
4. my dad and i (and by "my dad and i" i mean my dad) got my fafsa done. huzzah for being in debt next year!
5. my fam went out to eat. it's been a while since that's happened.
6. i ate ice cream. sugar free, of course.
7. i decided what i'm wearing tomorrow. it's fabulous, and i'm super stoked about it. does that make me exceptionally and unbearably girly?
8. i watched a lot of glee.
9. i went to sleep at a decent hour?? (this one is actually a lie. there's no way that's happening)

i feel like i should post

so, i'm posting. since i have nothing to say, i'll give you a link. my link. "i made it myself!!"

http://www.wix.com/smclernon/sgp

undying love - a drabble

Fred walked slowly through the graveyard. He held a heart shaped balloon in one hand, supporting himself on a cane with the other. His eyes wandered through the familiar headstones, stopping on one he knew perfectly. He slowly dropped to his knees in front of it and began tracing the letters with his fingers, closing his eyes, whispering the words as his hand followed them.

"Abigal Watson
1939-2009
Beloved wife, mother, and friend
She will be missed by all who knew her"

“I love you Abby.” He placed the balloon next to the stone. “Happy Valentines Day.”

it's just one of those things

there are two things in this life i hate. ("heights and falling from them". name that quote and you will be my favourite person ever)

seriously though, how much passion, thought, and energy do you put into your likes and dislikes? if you're like me, probably a lot. i am what they call "passionate". when i like something, i really really like it. music, for example. i literally am surrounded by music 20 out of 24 hours in a day. i revel in it. in many ways, i live for it. conversely, when i don't like something, i utterly despise it. i fume when it's mentioned. take the yankees. i aim a ridiculous amount of my hatred at the yankees. i groan when i hear they win a game. the yankee has been forever ruined for me.

is it exhausting to glide to the highest heights of emotion only to fall to the depths of despair? sometimes. to be emotionally connected to so many things can be tiring. but more than that, it pulls my heart in so many different directions. i so often forget that there's only one thing i should giving my attention and affections to. the world makes it very easy to forget. it gives me entertainment, fun, pleasure. it makes me forget that this life is just a vapor in the wind, a drop of water in an immeasurable sea. vanity, vanity, everything's vanity. there's nothing new under the sun.

i've been feeling like this a lot lately. what is the point? if i'm not doing something that's worthwhile, and will serve a higher purpose, what's the point of doing anything at all? why can't i be serving in haiti? why can't i be a missionary to china? or africa? or a million other places in the world? i was talking to a friend about this and she insightful said "but there's no reason we have to be in another country to make a difference"

it's true. God put me here for a purpose. all i have to do is follow him and i get everlasting life. sounds like a pretty good deal to me.

#bestweekendofever

this weekend started much like any other weekend. i slept in, showered, and got dressed. from that point on it veered in a very different direction than any other weekend. this weekend, kelsey shorey and i were visiting one of our best friends, kara (@{{::heartbeats::}}) at college. and it was a surprise.

the morning didn't start out too well. luke had taken the car that i needed, i spilled tea on myself, and i forgot my camera at home (for which i'm still beating myself up). however, i successfully picked up kelsey and we were off!

we got lost. but since i'm a fast driver, it was ok. we got to Gordon only about 15 minutes later than planned. kara's roommate chelsea, who had helped my plan the weekend, met us and in the parking lot and let us in the dorm. kara was in the phone with her dad in the lounge, so we snuck into her room and made ourselves comfortable. in a few minutes, we heard her coming down the hall, still on the phone. the door opened.

"Hey guys."

what. are you kidding me? seriously? we plan this surprise visit for months, and sneak in here, and all you have to say is "hey guys"?? who spilled?! dang, this is disappointing!

all these thoughts went through my head in about the span of one second. however, my brief disappointment was changed to glee, as kara did a wide eyed double take, and said, "what?!"

we then erupted into laughter.

"umm, dad i think i'm gunna have to call you back. siobhan and kelsey are i my room."

thus began the best weekend of ever. it was amazing. we met people, sang, chilled, danced, ate, texted secrets across the table, and made many memories.

a list of firsts:

-all-nighter!! me and kelsey stayed up all night talking. and we weren't even tired. kara was with us till about 2, but she couldn't handle the awesome that is an all nighter with kelsey shorey and siobhan mclernon.

-watching the sun rise on the highway while I was driving. i've watched the sunrise on the highway plenty of times, but never while i was the driver. after talking all night, we realized we had no gas. so at 6 we moseyed on down to the gas station. which was approximately 5 miles away from the exit. we stressed. but then we got coffee so it was ok.

-dance party! with a bunch of people i don't know. it was fantastic.

-jello shot. don't worry, it was non-alcoholic.

-competing in sing star. kara beat me in "sweet home alabama" (in my defense, i didn't know the song...) and won on "kiss me". twas grand.

-deactivated my facebook. never thought i'd do this.

-got a slave. kelsey is now the "official slave of the year"

-boxed. with boxing gloves. i think it's safe to say i'm the undisputed champion.

i enjoyed every second. i liked everyone i met, my relationships with my friends got deeper, i felt the spirit move, i fellowshiped so much, i beat everyone who tried to arm wrestle me, played guitar, and had so much fun it was probably illegal. i want to transfer. this will definitely go down in the annals of history as the #bestweekendofever

a list of reasons i'm happy right now

-it's friday night. and i'm on the brink of one of the best weekends ever. srsly. i've been looking forward to this weekend forever.

-i survived labs. you read that right. labS. i have two. one thursday afternoon, the next at 8:30 friday morning. it's one of the worst things that's ever happened to me. but i survived.

-i like bio. thus far.

-i got to watch dr horrible on thursday with jesse, efee, liz, and abi. and then i got to play guitar with efee and chazz.

-i had a truly great skype conversation with choco this week. 'twas great.

-i found out that selena gomez is going to be at emerald square mall on feb 13th!!!!!! excuse me while i jig for joy.

-i get to sleep tonight.

-there was a new office episode last night

-i get to watch a new episode of parks tonight

-there aren't as many season of 30 rock as i thought, so it'll be easier to catch up

-dr horrible. it just makes me happy.

-i own all of the glee songs.

-pitchers and catcher report in a few weeks!!

-God loves me

and since i can't top that, i'm done.

frostbitten light

there's something magical and mysterious about about a full moon on a frigid night. the air is crisp and clear, the rays of light from the moon reflect off the snow, giving the scenery an eerie quality. clouds chase each other across a bright night sky, racing to see who will be first to reach the stars. the naked trees shiver as the wind tosses their empty branches. everything is quiet. no words can fully capture the picture of an open field illuminated by a full moon when the air is so cold and clear it feels like you're breathing pureness. no one can quite describe that thrill you get when you see something so profoundly beautiful it takes your breath away. nor is there a camera that can preserve the moment in a way that makes it real. you need to experience, and the experience is divine.

Night and Immortal

Smile like you mean it, cuz andy you're a star
you're back on top, with all the pretty faces
leave the bourbon on the shelf and move away
if you change your mind then i can't stay
losing touch is no joy ride
cuz somebody told me this river is wild
the spaceman is a human
but that's not the world we live in
forget about what i said
because of all these things that i've done
this is your life to tranquilize
cuz under the gun, i had daddy's eyes
who let you go mr brightside?
cuz uncle jonny needs your bones
this is your life, so i can't stay
but for reasons unknown
a crippling blow in a midnight show
will reveal where the white boys dance
sweet talk away the shadowplay
and the glamorous indie rock and roll
remember the dustland fairy tale?
the neon tiger would show you how
everything will be alright,
but ruby, don't take your love to town
or you'll be like romeo and juliet
why do i keep counting
when my list has been an enterlude
the ballad of michael valentine told you
how jenny was a friend of mine
bling (the confessions of a king) was new
and sam's town had an exitlude
goodnight, travel well.

complacency

what happened to the passion

that once rose fiery red

what happened to desire

to see our hunger fed

when did the drive

that we applied

decide to run away

and why are we

content to be

complacent in its stead

where did the purpose go

that helped us once grow

since when is it acceptable to stall

how did we lose resolve

to have this puzzle solved

when did we find our backs against a wall

but how can we rekindle

the once bright burning flame

and why would we reach out

to try to stop its wain

when will we finally wake up

and come to realize

we'll never really see Him

but through a child's eyes