i still don't know the difference between an autobiography and a memoir

chapter 1: facing hardship in uncertain difficulties of bad times
i was born to a terribly underprivileged family. i later was the sole reason that they rose from obscurity to be the american royalty that they are today, but i’ll get into that later. right now, it’s only important to understand that i was a poor downtrodden soul. well, nothing besides the incredible talent that very few people have; the ability to make everyone think you’re amazing at something, even when you suck.
this may have been from my dazzlingly good looks. as a child, i was often cooed over and admired by the adults. i would sit in my high chair and smile, wink, and every now and then give kissy lips to my group of admirers who were my parent’s friends. they laughed and cooed some more. much like in those unrealistic flash back moments in sitcoms where everyone is laughing like a bunch of morons and though the situation might be conceived as humourous, you can’t help but feel an air of superiority creep into your soul as you watch.
this was my entire childhood. but please remember, i was underprivileged. because the fact that i’m underprivileged establishes me as the underdog protagonist, which no one can help but root for. when i win the nobel prize for being awesome in chapter 17, no doubt you will cry when i once again remind you, i was underprivileged.