seriously though, how much passion, thought, and energy do you put into your likes and dislikes? if you're like me, probably a lot. i am what they call "passionate". when i like something, i really really like it. music, for example. i literally am surrounded by music 20 out of 24 hours in a day. i revel in it. in many ways, i live for it. conversely, when i don't like something, i utterly despise it. i fume when it's mentioned. take the yankees. i aim a ridiculous amount of my hatred at the yankees. i groan when i hear they win a game. the yankee has been forever ruined for me.
is it exhausting to glide to the highest heights of emotion only to fall to the depths of despair? sometimes. to be emotionally connected to so many things can be tiring. but more than that, it pulls my heart in so many different directions. i so often forget that there's only one thing i should giving my attention and affections to. the world makes it very easy to forget. it gives me entertainment, fun, pleasure. it makes me forget that this life is just a vapor in the wind, a drop of water in an immeasurable sea. vanity, vanity, everything's vanity. there's nothing new under the sun.
i've been feeling like this a lot lately. what is the point? if i'm not doing something that's worthwhile, and will serve a higher purpose, what's the point of doing anything at all? why can't i be serving in haiti? why can't i be a missionary to china? or africa? or a million other places in the world? i was talking to a friend about this and she insightful said "but there's no reason we have to be in another country to make a difference"
it's true. God put me here for a purpose. all i have to do is follow him and i get everlasting life. sounds like a pretty good deal to me.
It's not the Muppets Christmas Carol, is it? [Either way, awesome movie, eh, eh?]
ReplyDeleteYou are a melancholy, which is probably why I like you so much. Because melancholies are trippy cool.
It's so hard not to feel jealous of those that have such a direct, obviously worthwhile calling. Why can't it be that easy, why do I have to be here surrounded by vanity, not there watching the Gospel take tangible shape? We are all so perfectly placed, it's hard to believe. Trust is such a complicated, wonderful thing.
hayley, you are officially my favourite person ever.
ReplyDeletetrust is a hard thing so accomplish. i know in my knower that God has a perfect plan for me. sometimes it's just hard to remember.