taint

i've suppressed my emotions for so long
i've forgotten what it's like to feel
if i can't be hurt, it can't be wrong
all my affections to repeal
and if perchance the mood is right
and little deeper i shall dig
till from the nothing, in plain sight
what had been tiny seems repulsively big
so i quickly try to bury my hole
and the imperfections hidden therein
for in that grave, my immortal soul
again is tainted with what might have been

care too much

it only hurts when you care too much
but it's so hard to learn not to trust
so you bend till you break
and you cry till you shake
and you lean on your feelings like a weak,
wooden crutch

so simple, so easy to put your heart out
to let it go frolicking, traipsing about
like a magnet, it's drawn
but too often it's wrong
and the case it gets wrapped in is mistrust
and doubt

you're only hit when you drop your shield
though it sometimes seems so hard to wield
if it falls, you will too
when what's false becomes true
and the wound you sustained shows it never
has healed

it's like i'm chasing a freight train and i'm running in slow motion

EMOTION

that feeling
that feeling that you feel
or felt
or almost felt
or wish you felt
that thought
that thought that you think
or thought
or almost thought
or wish you thought
that wish
that wish that you wish
or wished
or almost wished
or wish you wished


why is it so hard?


that love
that love that you love
or loved
or almost loved
or wish you loved



or wish you didn't.

stop

sometimes o' nights

ahhhhhh 12 o'clock. my old friend. i've missed you. it seems so long since we've spent this much time together. i remember all the great times we had last year. the times with the chemistry and the biology. the times with the math and the times with the papers. the times with the studying and the times with the cramming. all good times. all great times. and words can't express how happy i am that those times are gone. now it's just the times with the facebook, and the times with the hulu, and the times with the blog. times like this. good times. great times. times that could be spend so much more profitably.




wait. why am i not in bed?

moment

there are very few things that can capture a moment
words can't. words take too long to capture a moment
movies can't. movies are too complex to capture a moment
music can't. music's moments are gone as soon as they come

but photography. photography can.
with the snap of the shutter, a look, a breath, a moment can be captured and preserved forever. it can be relived again and again. it can perfectly retain a memory when all other forms fail to. it is more precise than a mental image, more transparent than a film, more straight forward than a sentence, and more lucid than a score. it speaks volumes without saying anything at all.
it's the perfect memory.

a list of jobs i would someday like to hold

-lifeguard
-mechanic
-trucker
-barista
-nanny
-author
-farmer
-landscaper
-camp counselor