The Real Self

People never show you their real self. You may occasionally see a glimmer, a glimpse of the person behind the fake smile, but it's rare. In a way, people aren't fully real unless they're alone, and even then they often manage to hide reality from themselves. Once in a while, they'll look in the mirror and see who they really are. Sometimes they hate it, sometimes they don't. When they hate the image before them, they escape. Parties, friends, wild extravagance. Trying harder and harder to blot out the picture of the real them. but in the end, they can't. It's impossible. They never forget. Why? because for a brief moment, they saw the truth. They saw what they really were and it disgusted them. So they ran. To the world. The world told them many things. "Use music to banish your thoughts. Use people. Use money. Use booze. Use, use, use, take, take, take. Taking will make you better. It will make you forget."

But they can't.

Forever, the image of the their true self will haunt them. Sometimes they see it again, and like a delicately healed wound torn asunder, they will feel it afresh. And they will bleed. Try as they might, they can't heal it. They slap on bandaids the world continually hands them, listening to its soothing voice, "This one will make it better. This boy, this job, this school..." until they finally realize that bandaids won't make it better. Bandaids don't heal a wound. Healing comes from care.

But they don't know how to give the wound care. So they will bleed every time they see the truth of who they really are. Until someone shows they care, and tells them how to heal the wound.

Even though they won't show you their real self, it's there. Waiting.

Two posts in one day? What is this??

I decided to actually use my blog for what most people use it for; to vent!!

So, I broke my foot today. The same one I broke almost two years ago. Only I was playing football in high heels last time. And just like last time, I've complained non-stop since it happened. "It's not fair." I've said it over and over till I'm dizzy and mixed up and emotionally wacked. Why did it have to happen now, just as I'm starting the school year? Why did it have to be my foot? God, do you have any idea how hard it's going to be to walk up those stupid FSC hills with crutches? Seriously, why?

Then I remembered.

Crossway recently went through a series on trials. It was a great series with great messages, and while I listened to them I kept thinking to myself, 'man, I've never been through any real trials.' And as I heard Sunday after Sunday the joy that God gives through trials and how self-sufficiency is striped away, I began to pray for them. I prayed that God would draw me closer to Him in a way I couldn't resist. And then I broke my foot. Dang.

But even as much as having a broken foot sucks (sorry mom), I know that God is going to bring good of it. Did you know He's sovereign? I know, isn't that great?! I would have preferred to have had a trial that didn't effect my transportation situation, but hey, we don't get to pick our own trials. And amazingly, I'm going to get through this! Prayers and encouragements from friends have helped so much. My friend Sawyer said this in a really thoughtful email --
"Even though it's going to be hard, don't be discouraged. Just remember that all the trials we have to pass through, are for our good, and are God's way of strengthening us. So, I'll continue to pray fervently, and repeatedly."

Thanks for all your prayers. I love you guys!!

"Piercing the Cross and the Switchblade Again"

A scene from a novella I'm writing. (don't worry, "Piercing the Cross and the Switchblade Again" isn't the real title.) Thought it turned out pretty well. Annnnnnd I have nothing else to post so, here it is!

* * *
"Who are they?"
"Not they. It's just one. Him. Can...can you see him?"
"Patience son, the crystal reveals all in time. Now, tell me more about this spirit."
"Um, he's in my head. I don't know how to describe it, but it's like, randomly he'll just start talking to me."
"What does he say?"
"I don't know, all kinds of stuff. Stuff about himself and how I should back to where I came from."
"Where was that?"
"I'd rather not say. Hey, can you see anything yet?"
"Oh, I can see him. yes, there he is. He is small and grey, with orange eyes. Long, thin fingers too."
So that's him.
"Wait, he is changing! He is tall now and thin, he has light brown hair. His eyes are green-grey and he has a tattoo on his back."
Mark froze.
That's me.
Yes, you and I, we're the same. I'm part of you. You can't escape me.
"He's talking! Can you get him out? I'm beggin' you! Get him out!!
She can't hear you. Mark, give up this petty soul searching and listen to me.
"You should listen to him."
Mark looked up at the women and found her eyes fixed on him. They were dull and lifeless.
I know what I'm doing. I've been with you for eight years.
"He's knows what he's doing."
I can lead you back to a prosperous life.
"He can take you to new heights."
I can make you the richest man in the world
"he can give you whatever you want."
I only ask for one thing
"All he wants is-"
Your soul
Why is this so hard?
* * *

Grace for Today

I have a friend. Her name is Molly. She is very wise. She gave me this counsel about college --

there is no grace for tomorrow

there is only grace for today

right now

so no, you can't handle tomorrow,
or the whole semester right now

heck no

you can only handle right now

this moment

this day

so, take today

trust God for it

and live it

and then tomorrow, do it again

Post

I feel like i should post...

That was fun.

Running

*Title given by Rebekah Tracy*

Feet
pounding pavement
the thrill
Body
moving rhythmically
the beat
Pulse
pumping wildly
the throb
Exhilaration
excited energy
the rush